“Adam, I canʼt find it!”
“Canʼt find what?”
“My period! Whereʼs my period?!”
Adam and Eve had to find that piece of grammar before things got natal! Run-away sentences go on long after a necessary period arrives, and these two certainly didnʼt want to wait for the lateness brought on by unpunctual punctuation…
“Did you check the bed?”
“Yep!”
“Did you check the couch?”
“Uh-huh!”
“The kitchen table?”
Gasping, “yeah!”
Anxiously, “the shower?”
Panting, “nothing…”
Frantically, “Coffee table?”
“…”
Just as it looked like they examined all conceivable places of conception, they shouted in unison: “the dryer!” 13 seconds later, it was exceedingly evident the dryer not once had taken English grammar in his life, and probably couldnʼt spell, either!
Adam was leaning against the wall, fidgeting with the pencil he often kept behind his ear for carpentry purposes, when an idea came to him:
“Wait! An idea has come to me!” Extracting a piece of paper from a place where paper was often kept, he scribbled furiously:
"■"
“What the eff is this?”
“Itʼs a period; eat it! Eat the paper!”
“Iʼm not eating the effing paper…”
“Eat the effing paper…”
Once it was decided that eating the effing paper would not give Eve her period back, there was little recourse but for Eve to look in one last place…
“Look, Adam, thereʼs one last place we havenʼt checked, but you mustnʼt be mad, okay?”
“Where?”
“Promise?”
“To look?”
“No, not to be mad!”
“Okay, I promise that I will have complete control over my emotions specifically anger without even knowing what it is youʼre about to tell me and—”
“Good; we have to look in Professor Garterʼs office…”
“Eve! Professor Garter has your period?!”
“Maybe, but itʼs not what you think!”
“Eve, heʼs your professor! Professor Garter is your professor, Eve! What am I supposed to think about you, Eve, and your professor, Professor Garter?!”
“Look, he was helping me one night with my thesis—”
“The bastard!”
“—and, well, he noticed a few fragmented sentences—”
“He—he noticed your fragmented sentences? I thought—I thought only I noticed your fragmented sentences…”
“Oh, baby, not like that, it was purely educational… really, it was very objectivational and professionalistic—”
“Go on, please!”
“Well, after he noticed my fragmented sentences, he… well, he… um—” Eve was having problems getting it all out in one go, which you may imagine is difficult when one is missing oneʼs period, but she was a trooper, and even in adversity troopers do things that troops do, like troop and kill junk— “he suggested I use a…a...a-choo!”
“Bless you!”
“He suggested I use a colon!”
“The ass! But how would that help your fragmented sentences?”
“He said you wouldnʼt find out if we used the colon…”
“…”
“…”
…soon Eve and Adam found themselves outside of Professor Garterʼs office at 2:33 am in the morning. They had to break a window to get in because Adam said, “weʼre not going in until I break his window,” so Adam threw a piece of petrified wood through the window and then Even opened the door and walked inside:
“Is this it?”
“Ew! I donʼt know whoʼs that is, but it isnʼt mine!” Adam applied some hand sanitizer…
“Adam, itʼs—itʼs here…” Eve had a difficult time finding it because Professor Garter had hidden her missing period on a secret file on his Apple computer; Adam walked over to Eve and they both looked at Eveʼs period for a long time on the glare of the computer screen, and then looked at each other, “Are you sure you want it back?”
“It was sort of thrilling, wasnʼt it?”
“Yeah, it was… and, you know, I kind of got used to it—the idea of, you know…”
“Aww, baby… but do we want it to be like this, in Professor Garterʼs office and shit?”
“Good point, put it back,” Eveʼs hand moved to her zipper—
“Donʼt look!”
“Alright! Sheesh…” Adam turned around as he heard the fly buzz, “finished?”
Grunting, “uh… yep, got it!”
Eve and Adam hopped on their bikes, and on the way home Eve slowed down in front of the all-night drug store two blocks from their apartment, “Adam, wait—I need to get some tampons.”
